Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Sex

Sex. What would it feel like to not think about sex, but rather connect with someone in the most intimate way possible. To know them. To understand how they think and why they act the way they do. To witness how they live life and believe in miracles again...in the magic of life. To see the depth of her soul through the beauty in her eyes. She has a strength that can only be felt by being in her presence. She lives life through the highest truth she understands, and seeks to discover what she doesn't understand. She feels her emotions as they arise and allows them to pass, never for once taking for granted the meaning behind them. If you feel pain, it's not by her intention to hurt you, but her intention to stay as close to the truth as possible. You feel this energy and you recognize it because you live life in the same realm. You connect with this energy and you suddenly feel a natural high. Life couldn't be any more beautiful than the moment you look into each others eyes, and see the beauty of yourself reflected in the beauty you recognize in her. Time ceases to exist and this moment is one where you understand how not even death could separate this connection...it feels too real, and you could die there and know that everything is going to be alright. You move in closer and chills rush through your body as your hands touch each other, fingers interlacing. I can feel the pulse in her hands as she feels the pulsation in mine. She leans in to give me a kiss. Her lips are as soft as the petals on a rose and her fragrance even more ....when she kisses me I feel every part of who she is and am in love with every part of it...the darkness may dance with the light, but the flame is eternal in a heaven where darkness only brings out the passion and beauty of a flame that would go unnoticed had darkness not existed. She is this eternal candle, the one that burns inside me that brought me to her. The sex unfolds. Not in a fleeting moment soon to be forgotten, but in a moment that resonates so deeply within that it feels like the ultimate union.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Casa Unita

Sometimes I forget what guides me. Some days it’s my ego. Some days it’s fear. Some days it’s courage. Today I was reminded of what guides others who are truly happy in life, something that I often forget when I feel lost. People who have it are never poor, and the most wealthy who don’t have it are the most lost.

Today I feel inspired by the light I saw in the eyes of the beautiful people I encountered today. It made me want to cry, the love that was in the room.

I immediately felt the love when I entered into the building and the director shook my hand, followed by his co-workers. I was late and it was rude, but that didn’t seem to faze them. I went to the back of the room where I greeted my colleagues, embarrassed and apologetic by my tardiness. I asked what was going on and they had no clue. My acquaintance, Amy, asked if I wanted coffee so I went to the table where a nice man started assisting me in preparing my cup by adding the cream.

The meeting began and we all sat in a group therapy type circle. We were asked to introduce ourselves –we gave a brief introduction, our name and the branch we were interning at. Then the director explained to us the program in English first and then translated it into Spanish. He had nice things to say about each member of the clubhouse and then the members had an opportunity to speak. Listening to each one of them speak, I felt that they truly felt valued, loved and appreciated there. The staff was amazing! They, in turn, respected each member and you could feel how genuine the relationships were. When one of the members asked what our initial impression was, I went first in stating how I had only been there for less than an hour, but I could feel the love in the room as well as the fact that I knew something special was going on here. Casa Unita is very special. The love is there, no question in my mind. The director could’ve been a character out of a Pablo Coelho book. He emanated love, knowledge and wisdom.

Visiting the downstairs basement I remember looking at the sewing class schedule and all the great skills that the members were learning by being a part of the clubhouse. I saw the beauty in the paintings on the wall.

The tour of the facility was followed by lunch. I was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that all the interns were sharing one table. I would’ve rather had each one of us take a separate table to mingle with the members of the clubhouse. I wonder if they felt the beauty in the place the same way I did. I could’ve asked, but instead we spoke about the same mundane topics –school, classes, the track we were following and all that surface stuff. I’m no different. It only takes one person to steer the conversation into or at least attempt to talk about something real. I miss talking about what’s underneath, but I guess I allowed myself to fall victim to being an android as well. Sometimes talking about what’s underneath is too much for people to talk about, including myself.

I’m a perfect example of compromising integrity at times in order to keep the waves from rocking the boat. The question is do I want to swim in a shallow pool where the currents can be controlled for, or swim in the ocean and feel the currents of what brings people closer to truth and themselves. I would rather be in an ocean where I ride the currents as they come, and wait out the storm if it should arise, than live a life that can only go as deep as a swimming pool. A calmness and exquisite beauty always accompanies a storm. In order to experience this beauty, however, I need to set sail rather than look out at the ocean from the shore knowing what it encompasses but never understanding it. I know there have been times in my life where I have done this, but I end up being washed back on shore out of fear of going to far.

My visit to Casa Unita reminded me of what’s most important in life. I need to just forget about the degree, forget about yesterday and tomorrow and focus on each day, each moment that I have with others. The only thing I’m certain of is this moment, so I need to make it count. I do believe in tomorrow, but the quality of tomorrow is dependent on the quality of today. Quality is determined by how much I choose to love myself and others.